Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Are We There Yet?

Image courtesy of NPR.

Now that the chaos and madness of the closing have passed, and Lor and I are officially home owners, we can return to the subject that really matters to me currently: food.

Specifically, the lack of it.

I am 8 days out from my vertical sleeve procedure, and I must admit that the "no chewing" thing is really getting old. I have been fortunate enough that I have not fallen into hating protein shakes, like many other bariatric patients do, but getting 100% of my nutrition in liquid form is really starting to wear on me. You know things are bad when you are feeding the dog and are speculating about the taste and consistency of her hard dog food.

See, that's the thing - I am not really hungry, per se. I am not craving food so much as I am craving texture. I want so badly to actually chew something, not just drink it. If I was given a handful of cucumber slices or almonds to chomp on currently I would think I had died and gone to heaven.

Following which I would probably end up in the Emergency Room of the closest hospital, of course. 8 days isn't enough time for your internal staple line to have healed up. I am not saying there isn't a reason for the "liquids-only" restriction. I am just saying that it is slowly driving me crazy.

I have started leaving the room whenever Lor eats her meals during the day - not because it bothers me to see her eat, but because the way I am staring intently at everything she puts in her mouth is making her uncomfortable. She is designing beautiful small meals filled with deli meats, cheeses, and fresh vegetables, and I am sitting there working on my 26th Muscle Milk shake in a row. (Believe me, I counted.) She cooked half a pound of bacon the other day and the smell filled the entire house. I almost ate a pillow to keep from crying in frustration.

But the real injustice of it all is this - Lor got to have her 2-week post-op appointment (the one where you "graduate" from shakes to soft foods) exactly 14 days after her surgery. Due to scheduling issues, mine will not be next Monday, as it should have been, but will instead be next Wednesday - 16 days after my surgery! I will be forced to spend 2 extra days sucking down protein shakes instead of moving on to semi-solid foods like scrambled eggs, refried beans, and Ricotta cheese. 

The injustice of it all is unbearable.

For those of you shaking your heads at me in amusement, go eat nothing but protein shakes for 22 days in a row. Then we'll talk.

If I See One More Sugar-Free Popsicle I May Scream,

- Hawkwind

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