Thursday, May 26, 2016

The Struggle To Stay On Track


Photo Credit: Patrick Dirden via Compfight cc
Ten percent of me is gone.

I mean that in a good way, I suppose. As of Monday of this week, my pre-surgical diet and exercise program has resulted in me dropping from a high of 302 pounds down to 272. My friends and family are all congratulating me. I should be elated. But I am not.

Because now I am having doubts about my upcoming surgery.

The real problem began about a month ago, when I was informed that there was a mysterious "holdup" in processing my claim through my insurance. My (federally required) psychological exam had never been approved by Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Upon calling the insurance company, the mystery deepened - my claim was "pending", and had been since the middle of April. No one could tell me why. The insurance reps seemed completely baffled. "Call your doctor." was their advice.

I called my doctor, who said he would get it straightened out. And then...nothing. For two weeks I have been waiting for an approval to move this whole process forward. and have heard not a word. Without the psych eval I can't have surgery - and if it doesn't take place by mid-June, the whole process will be delayed for who knows how long.

Upon talking about the problem to family and friends, I keep hearing a similar train of thought: I am doing great on the pre-surgical diet, so I could potentially stick with that even if the surgery never gets approved.

Did you catch that? It goes by pretty fast. The general thought is, if I am not approved for surgery due to an insurance snafu, I can just press on and lose the weight on the basis of the work I am already doing. Sounds very encouraging, until I ask myself: "If I can do this without surgery, why am I having the surgery?"

It is not as if I haven't tried to lose this weight before. I've been obese for better than half my life, I have had the opportunity to try just about everything. I finally fell into weightlifting in my late 20s and early 30s because I could be obese and functional at the same time.  But, something has always come up that interferes with my success, Seizures. Boredom. Transportation problems. A couple of very bad food intake days leading to frustration after which I would give up. Believe me, I have been there and done that. I have turned to bariatric surgery hoping for a final solution, a weapon to use against my own food issues.

So, what happens if that weapon never materializes? Will I be able to commit to these changes without the physical modifications I was counting on?

If I can't succeed without surgery, how it is going to impact me watching Lor go forward without me?

If I can succeed without surgery, why the hell am I am going under the knife in the first place?


The Wheels In My Head Go Round And Round,

- Hawkwind

4 comments:

  1. The process has started. If it surgery or determination, you have seen a light out of this. Take it and run. You never let people hold you back in your whole life. Surgery is a ways to an end. If you get the option take it. If you don't. Take it. Love you bro. Hold on to the brass ring...don't worry about the rope.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The process has started. If it surgery or determination, you have seen a light out of this. Take it and run. You never let people hold you back in your whole life. Surgery is a ways to an end. If you get the option take it. If you don't. Take it. Love you bro. Hold on to the brass ring...don't worry about the rope.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have also been the same situation and this is also an aggregating factor your problems when the insurance company is not supporting us and instead they always ask for more clarification while we are in such agony. That is the reason Physiotherapy North Ryde has minimal charges that the insurance companies have no problem in paying.

    ReplyDelete