Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Deviled Eggs

Photo Credit: All that's Jas via Compfight cc

I am pleased to report that we got through our multiple-stress day yesterday. Both the Monday weigh-in and the initial round of resistance exercise were successfully survived. Who knew that exercising with oversized rubber bands would be so challenging? This left us with only one more obstacle to overcome: Lor's final dietary meeting. We have been attending each other's appointments, getting twice the informational  bang for our buck and (I am sure) driving our poor dietitian to distraction. 

But at yesterday's meeting, things got real.

We'll be spending the 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after our surgeries eating nothing but 3 protein shakes a day. (OK, we can also have one yogurt a day.) For the first week or so we can expect to feel sick, listless and irritable. (Sort of like me in the morning now that I can't drink caffeinated coffee anymore) Then will come two weeks of pureed foods (baby food, essentially) with one protein shake a day. Then, and only then, we can begin re-introducing "real" foods into our diets.

Since I was busy considering that this might be a very good time to invest in a protein shake company, I was not prepared for what she produced next: three lumps, the size and shape of deviled eggs.

"This," she said, "will be the size of your meals after your surgery."

Umm..excuse me? I thought you just said I'll be living on the equivalent of a boiled egg and a half for every meal. For, like, ever?

But, yes, it is true: a 4-ounce stomach can only hold so much. It was by far the most shocking information in a process that has been filled with nothing but shock piled upon shock. Looking at the tiny handful of food she was demonstrating made me ask myself: What the heck have I gotten myself into, here?

I mean, seriously, I like devilled eggs as much as the next guy. But I am a person who used to eat half a dozen hard-boiled eggs as a snack. There is no way that tiny amount of food is going to keep me alive...is there?

Apparently, yes. But this is why the "protein first" rule and proper supplementation are going to be so important for the rest of our lives. If we slip up, and stop eating dense healthy proteins and nutrient-loaded fruits and vegetables, we could literally start suffering from malnutrition. That is to say: starving to death.

We left the office in a curious shift of moods: Lor was now excited and enthusiastic while I was quiet and reserved. Mainly, the only thing going through my head was some version of "Oh God, please don't let me screw this up." We aren't at the end of the road for our current lives yet, but I can sure see it from here.

Does Anyone Else Remember The Ending of "Thelma and Louise"?

- Hawkwind

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