The Imaginary Battle

Photo Credit: superexerciseband via Compfight cc

Another glorious Monday morning. While the majority of the world is shaking off the weekend and heading off to work, here we are hyperventilating and preparing for our weekly meeting with the scale.

It probably hasn't been a great week for weight loss. We were dealing with emotional trauma to begin with, then spent a couple days out of town and away from our normal food and fitness routine. Given that we also have a nutritionist visit to look forward to this week, it feels a bit grim looking forward to the weigh-in later this morning. The horror stories of those who gained weight during the pre-operative period and were then unable to have the surgery are never far from my mind.

Something is sure happening to my physiology, though - everything is headed down. My chest, my belly, the undersides of my arms - it is all collapsing, making me look like a fat scarecrow dressed in wet sheets. I hate this look quite a bit - maybe even more than I hated the "over-inflated beach ball" look I had for years. To combat this, over the weekend I bought myself a resistance band set, intending to start on some low-end strength training, and hopefully begin to firm this mush up. I opened up the box, inflated the ball, tested out the bands, and left them in position in the living room, ready to be used.

And there they still sit, 3 days later. I even thought to go hit them this morning before I began writing, but decided to just sit here and worry about my weigh-in instead. Many self-help gurus will tell you that imagination leads to actualization or something like that: visualizing yourself doing a thing helps to actually do it. Well, I have visualized till the cows came home then got up and left again for work the next day, and have still not done a single thing. For me, it is far easier to imagine doing something (and feel warm and fuzzy for my outstanding plan) than it is to actually do a new thing (and discover that this is not warm and fuzzy at all, but is, instead, work.)

I do realize that my own body is working against me here. The body seeks homeostasis - stability in all its operations. In the last few months, I have reduced my diet, increased my cardiovascular excercise, changed my sleep patterns, and replaced daily hours of sitting still with hours of some kind of activity. This does not represent stability, and my body is certainly not interested in adding yet another upset by attempting to rebuild muscle tissue on top of everything else. But I arrived at obesity by not seizing the reins of my body's functions all those years ago, and need to continue to overcome stability and laziness every day.

Sigh. I am afraid I just argued myself into going to the living room and designing an exercise band workout routine. Think good thoughts for me as I am sure I will be quite disgusted with myself for not being able to handle a 3-pound resistance band workout.

Already Feeling The Burn,

- Hawkwind

PS - Thank you to everyone who responded to our loss of Frankie last week. We received literally hundreds of supportive messages, emails, and Facebook comments. Misdirected has the best readers in the world.