Next Steps

Photo Credit: uneitzel Flickr via Compfight cc

We're emerging into "normal life" around the house, and boy does it feel strange. Yesterday we cooked three meals (and stayed under 1,000 calories and 60 grams of carbs), walked the dog, and did laundry. A thoughtful early Christmas present of a new 17-foot ladder took all the near-catastrophic adventure out of draining and disconnecting our swamp cooler for the season. (Thanks, Dad!) Everywhere you look in our home, things are starting to resemble a "normal" household.

So...now what?

Don't get me wrong - the fact that we can have something very similar to a normal life is exciting and gratifying. But we are getting very close to our goal weights. We have been intensely goal-driven through this whole process, and as our final major goal approaches, I look beyond and see...what?

Well, we have the 5K next May to look forward to. We've asked anyone in the family who normally gives us Christmas presents for clothing or gift cards for clothing, so January could be a good time for refilling our ever-thinning wardrobes. I've still got my "lifetime goal" of a 38-inch waistline to hit, though I actually managed to get some on in a dressing room recently. However, I looked like a fat man trying to cram himself into skinny jeans, so I quickly abandoned the effort. Everywhere I turn, our current weight loss goals are nearly met. I think it is time to set some new targets.

(We will now pause while I try to come up with some fresh ideas.)

Camping! Camping has been a big one for us, since we previously would get out in the mountains, set up our campsite, and I would then be unwilling to move around much due to exhaustion. We need to commit to a specific number of trips next year.

Increasing our socialization is already happening, but needs to continue. We have a growing circle of friends who welcome us out into the world and we need to commit to investing more time into those relationships.

Maybe most importantly, advocacy. We are living proof that drastic measures bring dramatic results in the fight against obesity. I have spent years working in Epilepsy advocacy, and now need to transfer that experience into doing the same for those suffering from obesity - especially morbid obesity. After all, there are a LOT more people suffering from obesity than seizure disorders.

A few ideas, sure, but they need to be filled out and turned into specific points of achievement. The worst thing I can think of happening would be to arrive at our weight loss goals and then quit, having nothing left to motivate us towards further achievement. We've been given a gift, in bariatric surgery and recovery, and the last thing I want to do is waste it.

(Or waist it!)

See What I Did There?

- Hawkwind

225

Once upon a time, about a decade ago, I sat in my room above my parent's garage and made up my mind that, despite my disability, my life wasn't done yet. Accordingly, I made a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish. There among bucket-list type items like "Travel To Gettysburg" and health-related goals like "Full Seizure Control" was this entry: "Weigh 225 pounds."

At the time, I only (ha!) weighed 275 pounds. The one-two punch of Depakote and lack of activity due to seizures had pushed my weight from a heavily muscled 240 pounds up to a flabby 280, and it had taken me over a year to sort of settle in at 275. I knew I wasn't ever going to be a gym rat again (ever tried a bench press while having a seizure?), but I figured if I could just lose 50 pounds I would be in decent shape again.

For the next 10 years, that day never came. It took my weight climbing over 300 pounds this year to get me to finally take the "heroic measures" (a medical term, not stating that I am in any way heroic) of surgery to deal with my obesity. Now, 50 days after my surgery, I have arrived at the goal that I set so long ago: 225 pounds. So, how do I feel about it?

In a word: Pfft.

You see, back when I picked the 225 goal weight, I had a specific physique in mind. Something like an NFL running back. You know, like this:

According to BMI, he was obese for his entire career.

Maurice Jones-Drew - 5'7", played between 205 and 215 pounds. Not that I was aiming too high or anything. Let's just say that, looking in the mirror today, the photo above is not what I am seeing.

My crashing weight loss is the main reason, of course. My body has had no chance to slowly adapt as it shrinks. Instead, my skin is left as an empty sack around large areas that once held much bigger fat deposits. My arms sag, my chest sags, my formerly beer-keg-sized belly now looks like a deflated beach ball, half-filled with jelly. All in all, 225 looks almost nothing like the picture I had in my head.

Now, my weight loss is presumably not done yet. But, if I am 75 pounds down, out of an expected 100-ish pounds of weight loss, most of the fat shedding has already occurred. Losing another 25 pounds at this point is not suddenly going to turn me into MJD.

As I have stated frequently, I didn't go into surgery for the purpose of improving my looks. I wanted increased energy, reduced blood pressure, and relief for my disintegrating joints - all of which I have already begun to see the benefits of. If my energy level is not as high as Lor's or my blood pressure is still not low enough to stop taking medications, I am still in a better place than where I was in February. But that 225 number has been in the back of my mind ever since I started this process. "Man, if I can just hit that weight - wouldn't that be something?"

It is certainly "something". But not exactly the something I envisioned. I think I would have been better off setting my goal as being able to bench-press the 225 pounds, rather than weigh it. Despite having lost a quarter of my starting body weight at this point, I can't help but be a little exasperated at how much work I still have to do.

Time To Head Back To The Resistance Bands,

- Hawkwind

I Made It Out Alive!

The breakfast of post-bariatric surgery patients!

We have officially made it through surgery!

After 6 months of waiting, diet changes, and emotional roller-coasting, at about 9 AM local time yesterday, the greater curvature of my stomach was removed. The struggle made manifest, the dream is real, and any other pithy sayings I can come up with may be applied, In short: we are done,

The surgery itself went pretty well, i am informed by my surgeon The aftermath was a little chaotic, though. In recovery I was in agony from gas pressure from all the various gases pumped into my body during the procedure. My inflated abdomen was so distended that it was pushing on my incisions from the inside out. In my post-surgical logic, I asked both Lor and the recovery nurse for a pen or pencil, so i could put my own hole in my abdomen to release the painful gasses. They declined my request.

The incisions themselves are not nearly as dramatic looking as Lor's were. I don't look like i have been in a knife fight - I look more like I made poor life choices involving climbing a barbed-wire fence.  The holes themselves are still very painful, but the nursing staff here have kept right on top of administering pain meds, so the majority of the time I just don't care about the pain.

My surgeon has already been in to see me, and informs me that i could be released as soon as tomorrow morning if i stick with the program here. Doing everything i can to get home soon is foremost on my mind. Though the staff here are awesome, it is still a hospital, and I do not like hanging out in them. The sooner I get home, the better.

The real mind-blower came while visiting with my parents yesterday. Apparently, Dr. Tyner went out to meet my family after the procedure was done, and made the observation that since I had done so well in my weeks of prep before the surgery, he would not be surprised if I lost 100 more pounds post-surgery.

Let that number sink in for a minute.

Another 100 pounds down would leave me at 148 pounds. This is what i weighed at 16. Pretty sure that, whatever my "goal weight" ends up being, it will not be that low.

But, boy, the concept of weighing in at 180 at the end of this all? That is pretty remarkable.
Sorry for the later than normal update today. I have spending most my time walking around the hospital or sleeping, We will catch you all again on Thursday!

Now, How Long Before I Get Back To Solid Foods?

- Hawkwind