Overwhelmed By Pizza

The upside to bariatric surgery is huge: improved health, increased mobility, enhanced self-esteem. Not to mention the whole "much more likely to live past 60" thing. At no time since I had surgery have I seriously wished I had not undergone the procedure.

But...(you knew there was a but, didn't you?), some days are a little more difficult than others.

Yesterday was the first full day of the 2016-2017 NFL season. Now, once upon a time, I used to be a football fanatic. But, for many years now, football has been something that I sort of enjoyed passively - whenever I could. I tried not to think about it too much. Other than our yearly SuperBowl blowout, I was no longer very involved with football.

Why? Because, since the onset of epilepsy, I have no longer been able to afford cable. No cable means no real football choices. In New Mexico, regular football programming means watching either the Denver Broncos or the Dallas Cowboys. Out of respect to my friends and family members who are die-hard fans of those franchises, let me put it this way: those two teams are not my optimal choices.

This year, however, things are different - my brother managed to wrangle Lor and I a DirecTV subscription as part of our cell phone service. This year's subscription just happens to include NFL Direct Ticket - meaning that I can watch any game playing on any given Sunday. Even my hapless Miami Dolphins. Yes, I am masochistic like that.

I have been so excited for football season this year. I joined a fantasy football league. I cleared my schedule on every Sunday from now through Christmas. I loaded up every single electronic device I own with various apps that would enable me to keep track of updates, scores, and injuries.  I even parked my laptop next to me so that I could write during breaks in the action.

Cause, you know, football is serious business.

Pre-game shows started yesterday at 10 AM, and I was there and ready. I got through the first segment, giddy as a schoolgirl. And then, the commercials began...

I have never noticed before the make-up of commercials during football games. I sure noticed it yesterday. Commercials were (approximately) 25% car commercials, 25% home improvement store commercials, and 1,372% pizza and beer commercials.

You know, pizza and beer. My two favorite foods, now barred to me forever by my altered anatomy post-surgery.

Cheese and pepperoni glowed seductively. Beer flowed endlessly into pint glasses. Happy, smiling people (all in much better shape than I am, I should add) enjoyed the forbidden fruits of my lost dietary loves. 

Halfway through the first game, I was ready to roll the dog in cheese, cover her in tomato sauce, and throw her in the oven. I resisted because I was not comfortable with looking up the nutritional information for "Baked Chihuahua". Seems like all that fur might have a high carb count anyway.

I made it all the way through the Dolphins losing to the Seahawks  in the last 30 seconds of the second game of the day, and then gave up. I was overwrought - completely destroyed by visions of Domino's and Negra Modelo. Which I used to be able to have. You know, like, at the same time. I sat at my desk, staring forlornly at my boiled egg (also known as "lunch"), and wondered how I had come to this: surrounded by advertisements for the foods I loved, unable to have any for fear of losing all the progress I have made so far.

I think, for next week, I will start recording my chosen channels about 2 hours early. That way, I can kinda fast-forward through all the commercials for forbidden foods. I will still see them, but only for a few seconds at a time, not constant series of 30-second spots. 

Or maybe I can have Lor fast-forward for me, while I keep my eyes closed.

Yes, I Had Food Porn Dreams Last Night,

- Hawkwind

The FitBit Blues

The glory of a goal achieved, the contentment of a job well done. This is how it feels to receive your "Marathon" achievement on your Fitbit, signifying you have put in 26 miles since you began wearing the device.

At least, I assume that is how it feels. I didn't earn the achievement - Lor did.

When the previously owned Fitbit entered our household, there was a little discussion as to who was going to wear it. However, I stood firm: my lovely wife should have it. She is more active than I am, she is also much more competitive than I am, and she is further along in the weight loss journey than I. Every argument I could think of was tossed into the fray. Once we got a look at the device and noticed that it had lots of exciting designer arm-band colors, another argument was applied: it could even be color-coordinated with outfits! Eventually, Lor gave in and accepted it, wondering at my insistent generosity, suspecting ulterior motives.

I might have had an ulterior motive or two for passing on the health monitor. The truth is actually simple if a bit embarrassing - I am afraid of 'em. After Lor fell immediately in love with the Fitbit she wanted to run out and buy me one as well. I told her  that there was "nothing her Fitbit can do that my cell phone can't!" Something to that effect. With raised voice and indignant tone. You kids and yer newfangled toys. I'll stay here in the corner with my Victrola and my black-and-white TV...

The cell phone argument is true, if fundamentally flawed. The fact is that, better than half the time, I forget to use all the nifty exercise-related apps I have built into my phone. I remembered a couple days ago to turn on Map My Walk as we entered Wal-Mart, for example. As we exited, I found out that I had walked over a mile around the store. I would pat myself on the back if it weren't for the fact that we are at Wal-Mart every week, and this was the first time I had ever thought to turn the app on. I have been shorting myself of logged exercise for months.

I think that the real problem is that the idea of being constantly monitored quite simply freaks me out. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but do I really want a monitor on me 24 hours a day? I know it is reporting to my Fitbit app, but who else is it reporting to? Is marketing data about my movements being saved and sold?  Yes, I know that is already happening with my cell phone, but I can turn the cell phone off if I am feeling unusually exposed. Not only is there no way to turn a wrist monitor off, it sort of defeats the whole purpose of wearing one.

Also, the sad truth is that there has developed a whole Fitbit team in Lor's family, all now competing with each other to see who can walk the furthest in any day or week. I know, if I get one, I will be invited to join the group. And will be hanging my head in shame every single day as everyone else crests 10,000 steps a day and I barely make 200 or something. Shame is not a powerful motivator for me. Instead, it makes me want to go hide in the corner and play video games.

Sigh. I know, I know. Time to join this century and ride the wave of Fitness Awareness or whatever they call it. I know Lor well enough to know that, before the end of the year, I too will be wearing a shiny new fitness monitor on my wrist. I know the minute I post this, Facebook will be filled with commentary about how behind the times I am.

But, whenever my time comes, and I am then getting my "Steps-Per-Day" ass kicked by my 8-year-old niece, just remember - I will silently hold you all responsible.

Fearing The Plastic Shackle,

- Hawkwind

Gone Forever?

"How Long Til I Can Eat This Again?"

The various "support group" message boards for those of us who have undergone bariatric surgery are interesting places. After a few weeks spent following the topics and concerns that get posted there, you begin to notice certain repetitive themes. "How long do I have to wait after surgery before I can start eating all my favorite foods again?" is a popular one. Another one that shows up regularly is some version of this: "Help! I am (X) weeks out from surgery, and I have only lost (Y) pounds! What am I doing wrong?"

But, the topic that tends to really catch my eye is the many versions of this: "I checked the scale this morning, and was down to (X) pounds!! That is (Y) pounds of fat GONE FOREVER!!"

Now, understand me here. Getting on the scale and discovering that you have passed a milestone weight is really exciting. Heck, my weigh-in this Monday put me under 230 pounds and had me smiling all day. But the second half of that celebratory sentence makes me a little nervous - "gone forever" doesn't really mean what many surgery patients seem to think it means.

The subject of recurrence of weight gain after bariatric surgery tends to be acknowledged but not really focused on by your surgical team. But the truth is out there: a high percentage of patients who go through surgery do suffer some amount of regain after the post-surgery honeymoon period ends. 

I really am not trying to be a Debbie Downer - if you lose one hundred pounds after surgery and gain 25 back, you are still 75 pounds ahead of where you were before you started and much healthier than you were to begin with. But the real problem is this: the "GONE FOREVER" mentality that is created during the initial 12 to 18 months of "easy" weight loss runs into the reality of the digestive system resetting after the surgical recovery period is over. Suddenly, that easy weight loss you have been enjoying ceases, and the numbers on the scale start to creep back up. Forever wasn't quite as long as you have thought it was going to be.

So, what causes regain? In a word: comfort. You get used to the easy weight loss of the honeymoon period and start to insert a few of your previously favorite foods here and there. You take a day off from your workout routine and it somehow turns into weeks away from the track or the gym. You stop diligently logging your food intake, and suddenly no longer have any real idea of what your intake is on any given day. There are many paths to regain, many traps along the road ahead.

What many of us fail to realise is that the obese person's body has actually changed over the years of carrying excess weight. Fat is no longer prioritized as a primary food source by the body, usually due to the high amount of carbohydrates entering the system. Fat cells have actually changed size - getting larger and becoming resistant to weight loss. Even our metabolism is in on the act, forcing periods of exhaustion in order to keep the activity level down. All of these things will work together to pounce and slap 10 pounds of extra weight back on our bodies the first time we stop paying attention. This weight gain usually leads to disappointment and depression. And we all know where we turn for comfort when we are depressed: comfort foods. It is a vicious cycle that can lead very quickly to undoing many months of hard, post-surgical work.

The solution? Don't ever look in the mirror and think "gone forever". Instead, be sure that you keep firmly in mind that your previous state of obesity is just waiting, biding its time, and hoping for the chance to re-introduce itself into your life. Keep moving, keep logging, and keep avoiding "empty" calories. You have not signed up for a "One Year and Done" solution. You have committed to a life long change in your behavior. The only forever will be the one you create on a daily basis.

The Correct Answer To The First Question Is "Never",

- Hawkwind

The 6-Month Update

What 6 months looks like.

When I converted Misdirected from a focus on gaming to a focus on getting through bariatric surgery, I had one big concern: was there going to be enough to write about? When talking about gaming there is always something new and interesting to chat about. Bariatric surgery? I wasn't so sure. I had visions of blog articles that ran like: "Day 152. Still fat."

I made the conversion on March 2 of this year. We have managed 6 months of blog articles on the subject, and I don't feel like we have ever had to come up with an article that looked like the one I feared. It turns out that there are so many changes tied up in preparation for and life after bariatric surgery that talking about them may represent an ever-flowing well of topics. One of my favorite bloggers had her surgery back in 2006 and is still blogging about life after surgery today, so the potential is obviously there.

In six months, we have covered pre- and post- surgical care, diet changes (and failures), elation after success and depression after failure. We've praised doctors and criticized "support" sites.  We have chatted about changes in the sex life, in family relationships, in daily living. And, hopefully, this has all been of some benefit to those of you out there: either because you are interested in us, or because you are interested in the bariatric surgery process in general.

So, what is coming down the road for Misdirected? Do we have another 6 months worth of life left in us?

The answer is an emphatic "Yes!". We have got some pretty major milestones coming:

• This month will be Lor's 3-month follow-up exam, where she gets her A1C numbers confirming that she is "officially" in remission from Diabetes. Since this was her #1 motivation for surgery, this is kind of a big deal.
• October is Halloween. I made an informal commitment last Halloween that I would wear a costume if I "ever" lost 50 pounds. (At the time, we had not even considered bariatric surgery.) I hit that particular milestone back on July 24, at my pre-surgery weigh-in. Given that Halloween is Lor's favorite holiday, you better believe that she is holding me to that commitment. Costume shopping starts Real Soon Now.
• November and December represent both validation and challenges for us: the holidays mean our big family gatherings. On the one hand, we will get to bask in the glow of our family members not recognizing us. On the other hand, get-togethers mean food, and lots of it - including many of our previously favorite foods that we are now restricted from. How will we deal with the temptation of constantly available temptation?
• Lor is within 20 pounds of her goal weight. I still have more than 40 pounds to go. What happens once we "arrive"?

So, yeah, we still have some topics to cover.

Also, the questions keep coming about writing a book about the bariatric surgery process. The short answer is: Yes. Yes, I will be starting work on converting our experiences to book form. However, I am currently in the middle of writing my fiction project for Fiction Vortex, which remains my #1 priority. And, also, I owe myself another book I have been thinking about for years, about living with adult-onset Epilepsy. I have been experiencing Epilepsy for over a decade now, bariatric surgery for less than a year. I think I owe myself the book with "seniority" first. I will keep everyone posted as these projects start taking shape .

Half a year in and 74 pounds down! Just imagine where we will be at our one-year anniversary!

Looking Ahead,

- Hawkwind

Summer's End

Happy Labor Day to the Misdirected family. I hope you are all out at the lake, or driving your RV, or drinking beer (but not all 3 at the same time) for this final blowout of Summer 2016.

While walking the dog over the weekend, Lor and I had a little chat about this summer. We didn't get to go camping at all. We had no resort weekends. (Hospital stays do NOT count as resorts.) We spent the majority of our time close to home: drinking protein shakes, recovering from surgeries, going to endless rounds of doctor's office visits.

And it was probably one of the best summers we've had in a long time.

Really, we got a lot done. We bought a house, for goodness' sake. We helped a friend move to Tucson. I began writing professionally. Lor restarted her crafting projects. And, oh yeah, there was that surgery/weight loss thing...

Seriously: Memorial Day 2016, Lor and I, as a household, weighed 486 pounds.

Labor Day 2016? 411 pounds.

When is the last time your household dropped 75 pounds over the summer?

Mainly what this summer has represented to us is an investment in summers to come. We gave up camping this year so that we could really enjoy camping and hiking in the future. We stayed close to home now so that, the next time we travel, we will be full of energy and joy. I have given up overeating as my main recreation of choice - meaning that in the future I will be able to enjoy things like swimming, riding bikes, and hiking longer distances. I went through surgery so that I will no longer be an anchor that ties those who love me down as they slow their pace down to let me keep up. Lor spent some time recovering from surgery so that she no longer has to deal with a daily chore involving needles and insulin injections. 

I think it was a good investment. It has certainly done wonders for our relationship: nothing draws you closer together than being accountable to one another for your new behaviors. We have become one another's coaches and cheerleaders. (And, in Lor's case, my fashion consultant.) Neither of us is wistfully watching the other succeed and feeling left out. We are succeeding together - which has made us stronger, and less apt to fall down on our faces.

Though, bad days like The Great Ice Cream Incident do still occur from time to time.

Thanks for dropping by and sharing your summer with us over the past few months. We've got even more exciting things coming up right around the corner, and are looking forward to what the remainder of 2016 has in store.

Heck, I am looking forward to having my picture taken at Christmas this year for the first time since EVER.

Next Stop: Halloween Costumes!

- Hawkwind

The LATE Edition

Hah! Tricked you all. I bet you thought I had forgotten to post today, didn't you?

In point of fact, I did not. We've had a couple of things going on today that I thought would be interesting to talk about, so I decided to wait around a bit for the final post of the week.

First Interesting Topic: Clothing. I know, I am about as interested in clothing as the next man - not so much. The subject came up as I was attempting to dress myself - something I have been doing, more or less regularly, for 40+ years now. I wandered into sight of Lor, and the following conversation took place:

Lor: Untuck your shirt.

Me: Untucked shirts look sloppy. I only wore them untucked to try to hide the fact that I was fat.

Lor: No, t-shirts should never be tucked in. It's a fashion rule.

Me: A fashion rule? Prove it!

Yeah, can you say "Challenge accepted"? She proceeded to beat me about the head and shoulders with fashion advice from web site after web site. Executive Style said t-shirts are worn untucked. Men's Flair said the same thing. The Art Of Manliness went a step further and said that ANY shirt with a square hemline (which includes t-shirts) should be worn untucked.

Pretty much the only place that said I could wear my t-shirt tucked in was Esquire - and then only under the following conditions: A) I must be wearing the t-shirt under a $1000 blazer and B) My name must be David Beckham.

Chastened, I untucked my shirt. But this brought up another point: untucked, a great number of my t-shirts appeared, as my Mother once observed, like I was wearing a tent. This led us into the great closet purge that I have been avoiding for weeks:

More room for new clothes for Lor, I suppose.

That huge empty space above was once filled with t-shirts, polos and dress shirts. Over 20 shirts got removed from my wardrobe, and at least 10 more are currently in the "sketchy" category - they might not fit as soon as next week.

Undeterred, Lor then led me into dress and casual pants purging. Let me give you a single example:

(WARNING: Please avert your gaze if the sight of loose skin makes you naseous!)

Yeah, that was the best fitting pair I owned. Every single set of slacks I owned is now headed to a donation box somewhere.

Wounded at the thought that I may soon be wandering naked through daily life, I turned my back on my empty wardrobe and headed to the neurologist's office.

Second Interesting Topic: Epilepsy treatment. I was due for some good news at this point, and boy, did I get some. My Neuro congratulated me on my weight loss, and told me something very interesting: Since I have lost over a quarter of my body weight, it is time to re-evaluate  my seizure medications! I submitted to the usual battery of blood tests and am now waiting to hear back as to whether or not I can start reducing dosages on my brain-clouding meds. I have gone through years of increasing dosages to help contain my seizures, and every time the dosage goes up, my brain function, especially my memory, goes down. 

So, I am now crossing my fingers that a reduced dosage will allow me to start remembering things that are currently totally lost to me  - things like Junior High, all my technical training, and most importantly my FIRST wedding to Lor. These items and lots more are completely empty rooms within my the vaults of my memory right now, thanks to the combination of seizure drugs and brain damage from seizures. But, if I could regain even a fraction of my missing memories... words can not adequately express what that would mean to me.

I will keep everyone posted on how the tests go - I am excited, but also afraid to get my hopes up too high.

Also, if you hear reports of a large hairy creature wandering naked through the streets of Albuquerque, don't worry too much - more than likely I just finally ran out of clothing that fits.

I Am Gonna Be Living At Thrift Stores For Months,

- Hawkwind

Portion Control

Image courtesy of Treehugger.com

The idea of what constitutes a "serving" has been an ever-shifting idea to Americans for quite a while now. All across the Internet, usually on health-related sites, you can find lovely pictures like the one above showing what portion sizes were in years past compared to today. The difference? Today's are uniformly huge compared to what was normal for generations past.

Now, that might not be a bad thing if we as a country had any concept of "later". You know, eat half now, eat half at some point in the future. But along with our expanding menu items is this cultural concept that food waste is bad (which it is), so we should address food waste by clearing our plates any time we eat (which we shouldn't).

This one-two combo of Rules At  The Dinner Table may have single-handedly created our current obesity epidemic. We are given more food than any reasonable person needs in a single meal, then forced by parental or societal pressure to eat all of it. To do otherwise would be "wasteful". And, before too long, this practice becomes "waistful" instead.

I am not unfamiliar with the problem, heaven knows. I used to act as our living garbage disposal. Lor would regularly eat until she was full, then I would finish her plate. At family gatherings, I was the one who was urged to have "just another serving" so food would not go to waste. I finally developed the ability to eat so much that I was perpetually hungry - my digestive system grew habituated to the idea of processing food essentially 100% of the time. Eventually, this led to 300+ pounds, knee surgery, exhaustion, etc. The only way out was bariatric surgery, to correct my out-of-control digestive mechanisms.

On the way to visit the family yesterday, we decided to stop for lunch. Finding places to eat has become challenging, thanks to the "no bread" restriction, but we happened to be driving by a Chipotle, home of gigantic and customizable burritos and bowls. We quickly designed a "steak bowl", which is basically burrito innards in a bowl. Here's what came in our bowl:

• 4 ounces of steak
• 4 ounces of pinto beans
• 4 ounces of shredded cheese
• 2 ounces of guacamole
• 1 ounce each of salsa, sour cream, and lettuce.

Yeah, just the innards, with no tortilla or rice, was over a pound of burrito materials.

Pre-surgery, I used to be able to finish an entire burrito, then eat whatever remained of Lor's. Yesterday, we each grabbed a fork and started at opposite ends of the bowl. Within 15 minutes, we were done.

We had each managed just about a quarter of the bowl, leaving more than half to be put in a box and taken home. I had another fraction of it last night, and will probably add an egg to it this morning and finish it off for breakfast. This is literally all I can manage anymore without making myself ill.

So, my surgery works - no big surprise there, right? But the real question is, why didn't I do this before obesity set in? Why did Lor and I not just order single entrees and split them? Why did I refuse to box up leftovers and take them home, committing to cleaning off both our plates at restaurants instead? Why did I never learn to say "No, thanks" when told to eat more at family gatherings?

Somewhere in the back of my mind is still a version of me that cringes at throwing away food. That feels compelled to eat just one more bite, that is experiencing a compulsion to clean off his plate. Every day, I am having to argue with myself, to remind myself that a diet of 800 calories a day gives me very little room to screw around with - I need to get in what I need, and no more, lest dire consequences result.

While Lor and I get a handle on serving ourselves things like 5 cucumber slices, or 24 almonds, I would urge you that are not currently post-surgical to experiment with smaller portions. Cut recipe ingredient lists in half. Order a la carte, instead of full entrees. Split meals with a loved one. Experiment with separating half of your meal into a to-go box at the beginning of your meal, then "finish" the remaining half, taking the rest home for later consumption. Do what you can to limit that intake now, so that you don't need to have 80% of your stomach (or more!) removed to get a handle on your weight.

Most of all, eat what you love, just less of it. Focus on taste, texture and sensation. Don't eat mindlessly. Life is too short to waste on indifferent dining.

Wishing I Had Known All This 15 Years Ago,

- Hawkwind