Christmas Week!

River of Lights Display at the ABQ BioPark (Courtesy of AlbuquerqueHomes.com)

Happy Holidays, Feliz Navidad, and Merry Christmas week to all my Misdirected friends! (Happy Feast of Winter's Veil for all my WoW buddies, too.)

The schedule here is going to be weird this week. We'll be spending the second half of the week up north, which will most likely mean that I will not be posting from Wednesday through Friday. Don't panic! I will back to my normal posting schedule on Monday the 26th, and have no additional travel plans for the foreseeable future. Also, big changes are coming to the blog on or around January 1, 2017, so you can rest assured that I will be hard at work getting those ready to rock.

I must have been good this year, because I've already received two early Christmas presents. First, on Saturday night, I was able to get in and comfortably wear a pair of 38-inch waistline jeans for the first time since, like, ever. Back in 2004, my "ultimate fitness achievement" goal was to be able to do just that. It has only taken me 12 years and bariatric surgery to accomplish it, but I have finally arrived.

On the same note, this week's weight check-in revealed that I have finally broken the 210-pound mark. As of this week's weigh-in, I am at 205 pounds - a tantalizing 3 pounds away from a total loss of 100 pounds from my heaviest point, and only 6 pounds from being below 200 for the first time in 20+ years.

I had originally hoped to hit this goal by Christmas Day, and will be coming up a little short. But I think there is a better-than-average chance that I will be entering 2017 at 199 pounds or less.

Best. Christmas. Present. Ever.

Enjoy your event planning and last minute shopping!

Almost Half The Man I Used To Be,

- Hawkwind

We Enter The Eye of the Holiday Storm

The ovens are empty, the dishes are (mostly) clean, and the family members have all returned safely home. As we enter the calm before the second chaotic storm that is the Christmas holiday, everything returns mostly to normal.

I had every intention of attempting to put up a post or two during the holiday. Honest, I did. I took my tiny laptop/tablet along with me and everything. But the driving to and fro, the assistance with cooking, the random tech support, and (most importantly) spending time with my nieces and nephews all conspired to keep my hands off the keyboard.

Now, on to the part you are all curious about - how bad was the damage?

Marginal, really. A little too carb heavy, but it was either eat carbs or eat nothing but turkey and ham. No meal weighed in at more than 6 ounces. Where I fell off the wagon was as expected - desserts. Berry, pumpkin, and pecan pies were all available, and I admit I indulged in small amounts of each over the weekend. To offset this we made sure to put in 2 miles every single day, even in the sub-40 degree Northern New Mexico wind.

The final result? I nudged upward 2 tenths of a pound, from 212.2 to 212.4. Nothing "statistically significant", as my father would say. Especially considering the fact that, over the weekend, I was given and fit cleanly into two pairs of 38-inch jeans. Essentially, I came out of Thanksgiving weekend with a smaller waistline than I went into it with. I will count that as a win.

Lor did even better: she actually lost a couple of pounds during the holiday. I ascribe this entirely to her participation in Black Friday - I am sure the crowds, the stress, and the rushing around madly did wonders for her metabolism. I was too cowardly to brave the crowds, and stayed home with my father in law and watched football.

We both are feeling pretty weighed down by the carb load, however, and will be starting a couple days worth of reduced carb eating, just to kind of reset things. Hooray. I fully intend to restabilise and then go into the Christmas holiday well under 210, and hopefully up to 3 miles a day. I have just under 30 days to make this stick. Then I can deal with the second round of Forbidden Foods.

P3s And Protein Shakes Await,

- Hawkwind

Fatbrain

Welcome to Thanksgiving Week - the official opening of weight gain season for the majority of us here in the U.S. Great food, lousy weather, and depressed energy levels are a killer combination when trying to stay true to your weight loss goals. It takes determination, willpower, and great mental fortitude to succeed. And many of us that have gone through bariatric surgery find mental fortitude to be in short supply.

This problem is widely referred to within our circles as "fatbrain" - the phenomenon that leads us to still perceive ourselves as obese even when we have lost tremendous amounts of weight post surgery.  We don't look in the mirror and see steady improvement in our health and appearance. Somehow, what we see reflected is the same person that we were before we started the weight loss journey. We take the evidence provided by our measurements, our scales, and the feedback of friends and loved ones, and discard it. We still feel overweight, therefore we must still be overweight, despite any evidence to the contrary.

This phase of fatbrain is insidious, and very difficult to overcome. Logging is one of our greatest weapons here - if we know that last year we were able to down a super-sized extra-value meal, and that today we can only manage a couple of ounces of cheese and deli meat, eventually the light begins to come on mentally. We need to pick a metric - a measurement unit that we really understand, and base our progress on that. In my case, I picked a size of clothing that was impossible to fit into in  (38-inch waistline jeans) and kept checking. Amazingly, this last weekend I was able to get into them. I admittedly had to hold my breath to do it, but, hey, 9 months ago I couldn't even get them up past my thighs. Tough to ignore that kind of evidence.

However, I personally have now graduated to a new version of fatbrain - call it Fatbrain 2.0. I now look in the mirror and see the ghost of my previously massive self looking over my shoulder. I am somehow convinced that one bad day will rocket me 90 pounds back up the scale overnight. This sense of dread and paranoia never leaves me. When I don't exercise, I am convinced that I have failed. When I do work out, I am positive I have not done enough. If my weight loss stalls, I am sure that I am done losing weight. If I do lose weight, it must be a coincidence. The wheels inside my head never stop spinning, orbiting forever around the obese identity locked between my ears.

(Sigh.) Ah, well. A little paranoia probably won't do me any harm over the holidays. Whatever it takes to keep me close to the veggie platter and away from the pumpkin pies and whipped cream, right?

Watching Myself Like A

- Hawkwind

Holiday Prep

Now that that is over with, we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming.

We seem to have our holiday planning put together - juggling two sides of the family who live 90 miles apart is always challenging at holiday time. I must admit to a certain amount of apprehension. This will be, after all, the first time several family members have seen us in almost a year - since well before we even started the surgical process. What are they going to think of our surgically improved selves? I don't really care about the opinions of many, but I will be seeing the majority of the people on that list in the next couple months.

For years now, this is traditionally the time when my winter "weight creep" starts. I am not alone in this - a large percentage of the country suffers from the same cycle. An already low activity level grows lower, we start making the rounds of food-filled family gatherings, and we begin to over-eat because everything is so darn good. By the time March rolls around, we have gained some weight (usually 10 or 15 pounds for me), some remnant of which stays with us throughout the next year.

So, it is exciting to think that this should be the first winter on record where I lose weight between November and March. My weight loss has been slowing down, as I have commented on here, but it has not ever stopped - even on weeks when I have only lost a fraction of a pound, I am still losing. And don't even get me started on the physical changes I am undergoing. I have empty dresser drawers and a half-empty closet currently, due to my stubborn insistence on not spending money on clothing I will only be able to wear once and then give away. I suppose I will have to do a little shopping before Thanksgiving and Christmas - I can't imagine Lor will allow me to attend family functions in tank tops and baggy sweats. Which brings me to my weight-loss goal for the end of the year...

Though it becomes less and less likely I will hit 200 pounds before the end of the year (darn it), it does look like I might be able to hit another one of my weight-loss goals: I may be able to get myself into a set of 38-inch waist pants by Christmas. This is a BIG one for me, folks - it was the final item on my original weight loss bucket list from 10 years ago. For those that don't remember, the other two were to get below 225 pounds (rear-view mirror) and to be able to walk 5K in the yearly Run For The Zoo (next May.) 38 inches means quite a bit for someone who was at a 50-inch waistline in January. I am just now able to get into some 40s, so here's hoping!

Though if I have to choose between tamales and a 38-inch waistline by Christmas, I must confess I will still choose tamales.

Just Sayin',

- Hawkwind

Happy Halloween!

The "How To Host A Murder" Party. A wretched collection of scum and villainy.

The day has arrived! The house is decorated, the creepy music soundtrack all queued up, and Stranger Things is ready to roll on the TV in the living room. Halloween is here!

Honestly, though this is by far and away Lor's favorite holiday, it has not been one of my favorites for a very long time. Normally, I prefer to just stay at home, spend some time on Facebook, check out everyone else's costumes as they attend their Halloween functions, and tell myself that I don't really like these kinds of events anyway.

But, the real problem is that I have always hated how I look in costume. Lor loves playing dress-up and can carry any costume with style and panache. I always felt like an over-inflated balloon that someone had stuffed a costume on. Lor was forever getting after me to participate more fully with her, and last year I told her, if I lost a few pounds by next Halloween, I would participate.

A little bariatric surgery and 88 pounds later, it was time to pay up.

To my surprise, I had a really good time. While Lor put up our giant spider web on the side of the house, I designed our spider-infested front door. (Which has made many visitors very uncomfortable.) We carved pumpkins. We worked together to pick treats for our trick-or-treaters. (Toys and eyeball bubblegum, no candy this year.) Instead of letting Lor do all the work while I grumbled like the Halloween version of the Grinch, I threw myself into the holiday and found out I had been missing an awful lot of fun over the years.

As for our costumes - we were invited to a "How To Host A Murder" party last weekend, set in the 1940s. We got to dress up in period costume, which was awesome. And we looked really great, if I do say so myself:

You handsome devil, you. And Lor looks good too!

Who knew that Halloween was so much fun? Normally I would just sit on the couch with my hand in the candy basket - one for the kiddos, one for me. Not anymore! Now I am out there wearing suspenders and doing...stuff. Yeah, That's me! I am officially converted to holiday participation.

Come Christmastime, No More Threats Of Santa Costumes For Me!

- Hawkwind

The Fear of Tofu Casserole

Image of Tofu Broccoli Casserole courtesy of kirstenskitchen.blogspot.com.

As we get ever closer to the holiday season, the phone calls are starting to come in. Well-meaning family members, working on their holiday meal planning, dial us up, wanting to know what exactly we can eat.

Them: "Do you need anything special?"

Us: "Any high-protein items are usually fine, so are fresh veggies."

Them: What kind of protein? Anything special?"

Us: "Oh, you know - turkey, ham, beef are all fine."

Them: "And what kind of veggies?"

Us: "Anything not white is probably safe."

This is followed by a short pause as they digest (Ha!) this information. I can actually hear the disappointment in their voices when they say "Oh - so the same things we make every year?"

I just know my family was hoping to prepare quinoa cakes and tofu surprise in order to show their support.

Now, I am just teasing here - Lor and I are extremely lucky that both sides of the family are so supportive of our surgeries that they care enough to ask - many bariatric patients do not enjoy this kind of help from their families. But, the fact of the matter is, bariatric surgery does not prevent you from eating most things (carbonated beverages aside.) It just forces you to eat really small amounts.

At the end of the day, it will be Lor and I who have to monitor and control our intake over the food-filled holiday season. The rest of the time as well, of course, but the holidays will be tricky, just like any event where there is a whole lot of calorie-rich and nutrient-poor food waiting to be sampled. We've been getting in some practice with all the social gatherings we've been attending recently, so I am thinking the holidays shouldn't be too bad.

I am already planning on falling off the wagon in a few spots, admittedly. I will not go through the holidays without at least one tamale, for example - I do not care that they are 90% corn meal. If a pecan pie puts in an appearance, I will likely have to have a (very) small piece. Same for the infamous Chile Relleno Wontons at the Superbowl party - I will have one, and that will have to do. The watchwords will be Sensible Eating.

As much as I love holiday food, I love the idea of being down 100 pounds by January 1, 2017, even more.

So, let's skip the Tofu Casserole, and let me at those Green Chile Chicken Enchiladas instead!

Err...in moderation, of course.

Because A Life Without Tamales Is Not Worth Living,

- Hawkwind

Candyphobia

As the days grow shorter and we can begin to feel the bite of colder air, our thoughts turn to the upcoming holiday season. No, not Christmas - what, are you nuts? I still have plenty of time to think about that. No, actually, I refer instead to the most popular holiday in our household:

Halloween.

We are just about ready. The skeletons, pumpkins, and headstones have been pulled out of long-term storage. Lor has made some last-minute additions to our design elements. (See the gigantic arachnids above.) We have even begun looking at costumes, a rare event for the two of us. 

However, a shadow hovers over the household. A frightening subject that we shy away from in terror. A taboo that we desperately wish to break, one step waiting to be taken into the gaping maw of madness.

I am referring, of course, to buying candy for our trick-or-treaters.

In previous years, we would stock up. We get hundreds of trick or treaters at our home, so we would buy huge bags of candy from the local grocery store to be prepared. And we would get the good stuff, too: Twix, Reeses' Cups, Snickers, and Heath bar minis all made regular appearances in our bowl of goodies. No cheaping out on the kiddos for us, no siree.

And, invariably, we would overbuy. So, for a week or two afterwards, we would indulge in the remnants of our Halloween Candy Explosion, until it was finally all gone.

This year - yeah, not so much. The LAST thing I need is a whole lot of candy sitting around the house just waiting for me to eat it. Sign me up for one ticket to Bariatric Surgery Failure Island. Just not going to do that to myself.

So, instead, we have been buying other trick-or-treat items. Toys, stickers, erasers with spooky designs on them. We tried this last year as well. Lor was enthusiastic, I was skeptical. I was positive the kids would hate these little dollar-store items.

Which serves to demonstrate how little I know about kids. The toys were a huge hit - more popular than the candy by far. There are apparently Halloween scouting apps for smartphones that tell parents which homes are giving out the best stuff - and our house got listed as the best one in the neighborhood. Never underestimate the appeal of plastic fangs and spider rings.

However, I can't stand the idea of not giving out more traditional Halloween fare as well, so a day or two before the event we will head to a Family Dollar or something, and buy a big bag of off-brand candy. We will make sure that it contains nothing that we like whatsoever. We will allow each trick-or-treater to pick one piece of our off-brand candy and one toy, and fervently hope that we don't run out. Nothing worse than having to head to the store on Halloween night for an emergency supply purchase.

And, if any candy is left over the next day, we will immediately give it away to someone, so we don't learn to like whatever the remnants are. Prudence, you know.

Repeating "I Will NOT Buy Snickers" To Myself,

- Hawkwind