The Pre-Final Countdown

Photo Credit: ryanredward via Compfight cc

Procrastination is a living, breathing animal that eats your best intentions and leaves you with the remains of wasted time.

I had every intention of producing a blog yesterday morning. When I sat down to write it, it occurred to me that the momentous events of the day were coming up later in the morning, so surely I should just write later, right? But later came and went, and left me in such a dither of emotions that I could never actually get anything coherent down to be published. So, here we are, 24 hours late, with the news that we've all been waiting for.

The day has come, the die has been cast, etc. - I go under the knife (the scopes?) on July 25th, just a hair under 6 weeks from Lor's surgery date. I do still have to pass muster with a psychiatrist, but that evaluation is scheduled for 2 days from now. Barring any catastrophic failures, this thing is a go.

I am not exactly ambivalent about the whole thing. The meeting with the nutritionist yesterday was extremely positive. I've lost a total of 30 pounds since we started the process in February. Lor and I are exercising every day, dietary changes have been made successfully - I've received a glowing report on my pre-surgical prep from the team over at ABQ Health Partners. It seems like I am prepared to succeed at this.

But...(there is always a but) I am still having trouble wrapping my head around where this is all going to wind up. My loved ones are cautioning me to not be overly optimistic about the final results of my surgery -  high blood pressure and sleep apnea, for example, have been a part of my family genetic makeup regardless of size or weight. Thanks to my currently over-sized body I will probably never be built like Hugh Jackman, but will instead be left with an apron of left-over skin reaching down to my knees. I mean, I am happy to accept all those results if it means I can finally walk without being in constant pain. But I was kind of hoping for more dramatic results than what I am being cautioned to expect. No one is trying to talk me down off the ledge, but I seem to be receiving plenty of warnings that the landing won't be as comfortable as I was hoping for.

I am left looking in the mirror now, trying to figure out what (if anything) will be different about me when this process is all said and done. My surgeon airily informed me back in March that the surgery would "Get me down below 200 pounds". I am 30 pounds down now, and I am just not seeing it in the mirror. Granted, I already feel better - I can walk two miles now and carry on a conversation afterwards. This from a guy who 3 months ago couldn't carry groceries out of the car without gasping for air during the process. I guess I was just hoping for something more tangible, and I am kind of afraid that even losing over 100 pounds post-surgery is still going to leave me looking like a deflated balloon. A deflated balloon with high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and excess skin hanging off me everywhere.

Later today is our bi-weekly "measurement" routine. I am hoping for some positive results there, because right this second I could use a win. I am not nearly as pumped up about having a date for my surgery as I had thought I would be.

Curiously Ambivalent,

- Hawkwind

Hello, Hiatal

Yesterday's barium test was nothing like I expected. No removal of clothing or metal objects, no lying on a cold table, no hanging around for hours before and after. Instead, I got to stand in a brightly lit room for about 5 minutes in front of a circle of metal about the width of an auto wheel while a Nurse Practitioner worked her magic. Directly in front of me was a video screen so I could watch the result of the x-ray in real time. I immediately had a lovely view of my chest cavity - spine, ribs, and shoulders. Very much like the sick bay in Star Trek, I must say.

I was handed a tiny cup with a straw in it and told to sip the barium slowly until it was gone. As I did so I got to watch a cascade of black looking fluid flow down in front of my spine, hang a right at about my diaphragm, and then drop down into my stomach. But apparently there was a problem...

"Mr. Schofield, you have a hiatal hernia." my Nurse Practioner reported.

"A what?" I eloquently replied.

"A hiatal hernia. The barium should flow down the esophagus, then make its way down into the stomach. Do you see this barium here?" she asked, pointing at a little flow of the dark liquid that had headed up, away from the rest of the flow, looking like a small tributary leading into a mighty river.

"Yes, I can see that."

"That is a hiatal hernia -  a hole in your diaphragm where your stomach is poking through. There's also a little air pocket above it." she continued, pointing at a small white circle above the lost barium. "That shouldn't be there."

A hole in my diaphragm? An air pocket in my chest cavity? Just as well a pulse and blood pressure monitor wasn't hooked up to me at that point. The numbers would NOT have been good. However, it turns out my worry was for naught. Though my NP was puzzled that I have not been suffering any of the usual symptoms (acid reflux, pain in the chest), I was informed that the repair of my hernia would be done during my Gastric Sleeve procedure, adding about 5 minutes to the procedure. I would not even be required to make any changes to my daily diet or other activities.  We left the office, and went about the rest of our day (which is a whole OTHER blog post.)

I have to say for the record here that I have loved ABQ Health Partners Bariatric Surgery department. They have taken a very confusing and emotional process and turned it into "just another health problem we are going to solve". I have yet to meet a staff member, from a receptionist to my surgeon, Dr. Tyner, that has not been a total pro. RNP Costales yesterday was no exception - everything was explained to me in language I could understand, and I felt no pressure to move things along while I was getting all my questions answered. Given some of my hideous experiences with other doctors and health care providers while working through my other chronic condition, I know that Lor and I have been very lucky to be getting our procedures done here. Highly recommended, if you are anywhere near Albuquerque.

Up next on the Road to Surgery: My first nutritionist appointment, coming up next week.

Still Trying To Feel The Hole In My Chest,

- Hawkwind